How to Fight Less and Be on the Same Team as Your Husband

You can make him his favorite food,
you can make him the happiest man in the bedroom,
but, some days, when nothing seems to lift his spirit up,
that's when you need to be his prayer warrior more than ever before.

...they are no longer two but one flesh.
— Matthew 19:6

Grant and I just celebrated our 5th anniversary (say whaaa?!).

In our 5 years of marriage, we've walked through patches of dry land.

There were days when I've felt unheard because he didn't seem to register what I was trying to tell him.

There were also days when I've felt helpless because nothing I did seem to lift his spirit up.

If you've been married for even just a short amount of time, you know what I'm talking about.

You wanna be helpful, you wanna make him happy, you want the best for your marriage but you have no idea what you can do to help.

I want to share a word of wisdom/warning:
if you get frustrated in situations like this, do not - I repeat, do not - channel your frustrations at him.

By doing that, you are only drawing a bigger wedge between you and him;
by doing that, he is more likely to withdraw from you and you are more likely to have conflicts.

Not something you wanna do, right?

Yes, it can be frustrating (I've totally been there), but here's what you can do instead.

1) Instead of vocalizing your thoughts to him, lay them all down to God.

God knows what's going on. God knows what's on your heart.
Knowledge it to Him and let Him filter your emotions. 
Holding on to frustrations will do nothing, but surrendering it to God will give you the freedom to really help your husband.

2) Become your husband's prayer warrior.

When you take out your frustrations at him, you become his enemy standing against him.
But when you become his prayer warrior instead, you have now come alongside him.
It shows him that you are on his side, that you will walk through this difficult season with him.
By showing him you're on the same team through thick and thin (like you promised in your wedding vows), he will draw closer to you.
This storm that you're in will less likely tear you down because you are together.

Are you ready to be his prayer warrior?
It doesn't take much. All it means is that you commit to lifting him up in prayers.
Pray regularly for his heart, for his well-being on his behalf.
God who eagerly listens to you will hear you and answer you.

I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God;
incline your ear to me; hear my words.
— Psalm 17:6

To establish the habit of praying regularly for your husband, I suggest designating a time/place that you frequent on the daily basis.

Do you wait in the pick up line at your kid's preschool? That might be a good time to pray for your husband.
Do you stop at Starbucks' drive thru every morning? Say a quick prayer for your man as you wait.
Do you do a load of laundry every day? Make it a habit to pray for him as you fold his clothes.

The point is to sneak prayers in during your regular activity.
(Cause I know it's hard trying to find an extra 5 minutes to sit and pray for him.
For us mamas of small kids, it probably won't happen.)

By establish this habit, you have become his prayer warrior every day.

Friends, we are called to pray without ceasing.
There will be seasons when there's really nothing you can do to change your circumstance except to pray.

Make it your choice to be your husband's prayer warrior and be his best support.

And I'm super excited to see how God works mightily in answering your prayers.
Be sure to share with me any prayer praises either by leaving a comment here or by emailing me at