#017: Standing Firm in Christ in the Battle of Anxiety with Lilah Higgins

Indwelt Women Podcast - a podcast where Christian women find biblical truth and encouragement for their faith, marriage and motherhood.

Maggie: Hey, hey, welcome back to the Indwelt Women Podcast. Today we have a special guest with us. She is the brain and the creative behind the brand The Higgins Creative, she takes her fine art training into the online space. She works with purpose-driven brands and brings them beautiful and intentional designs. She likes her coffee iced and she enjoys opening her home to the people in need of encouragement. I'm so excited to chat with her today because she is going to share her journey of anxiety and how God's been faithful through it all. Without further ado, please welcome Miss Lilah.

Lilah: Hi, Maggie! Thanks so much for having me!

Maggie: For sure! Would you introduce yourself a little bit more?

Lilah: Yeah! For work, I'm a brand designer. I work with online entrepreneurs - mostly coaches, some lawyers - people who have that kind of influencer... uh... shoot, what's the word I'm looking for. People who are influencers in certain areas.

Maggie: Experts and gurus.

Lilah: Yeah, experts and gurus. Exactly. People who have a certain niche they're talking to. They provide resources like free resources, downloads and all the way up to coaching programs. So yeah, it's tons of fun. I kind of fell into brand design it wasn't something like "I wanna be a brand designer when I grow up." I had fine art training, kind of my whole childhood. I had a sort of apprenticeship situation with a really skilled teacher and we kinda dove into every sort of fine art medium. So I've done everything but throw on a wheel. I've never had a chance to do that with pottery. But, yeah, besides that, every other medium we've at least touched on and we've learned on and so along with history, concepts and theory behind design. So yeah, I've kinda migrated that to the online world.

When my husband and I got married - we married right out of high school - we had babies right away - and I had decided I wanted to work but I didn't know how to make that happen in a way that I could still be home with him and I could still be present as a wife and not have to go to a job. I actually went to trade school for aesthetics and makeup; I worked for 10 months as an aesthetician. I was an employee - I wasn't self-employed and I realized after I left that job that I'd probably never be an employee again. Haha. I was homeschool, my parents had their own business; they had so much freedom in our family life, I've never known how to go to a 9-to-5 and be satisfied.

About 10 months ago, we brought my husband on full-time so he helps me with the business and he helps raise the babies and manages the house, which is awesome. It's awesome to live the way we want. Our days are not super structured, the kids go to preschool from 8 to noon, sometimes a little later. We get to work in those times and then when they come home we can just be present parents and do stuff as a family. It's been fun! It's been quite the journey.   

Right after my son, I had postpartum - he's our oldest. I got pregnant with my daughter quickly after that. The postpartum kinda melted in itself into anxiety. It's something I still struggle with, I've had an awful week actually and I'm like, "oh, great, I have to go talk on a podcast about anxiety." Haha. But yeah, I've been in therapy, I've done different supplements and natural remedies. It's just something I manage, something I live with. My goal is always to not have to get on medication, to not ever let it get so bad that I need the medication, which is inevitable sometimes, but I like to do everything I can to prevent it from happening. So, yeah, that's me in a nutshell, I guess :)

Maggie: Cool. I almost went to art school but my dad was like, "um, I'm not spending all this money for you to go to art school." Before we get into your anxiety journey, can we backtrack a little bit - talk about what it was like for you growing up. Did you know about God? What was your relationship when it comes to God?

Lilah: Yeah. My parents got married and my dad was Catholic - he grew up in a Catholic church. My mom was a Christian but hadn't really moved into the lifestyle of a Christian, for the lack of a better word.

Maggie: Wasn't following.

Lilah: Yeah, wasn't following. By the time they finally got married, they had rededicated. My dad had gone to Harvest Crusade, they had rededicated not only their lives but also their marriage to Jesus and follow the Bible. So I've always been in it. My parents would volunteer and be involved in the church for as long as I can remember. My mom and my sister and I have this joke that we can never be a part of anything without actually helping to run it. When we go in, we kinda go all in. My parents have always been involved in ministry in some ways. My dad ran his own business for a while so he was really free to be able to do that and be involved. 

I think, I don't remember this, but I think I was 5 and I was just sitting on the couch and asked, "what do you have to do to know Jesus?" Or, to be able to walk in it, or can I make it my own and what do I have to do. I remember other times in my life - like, junior high and then high school - where I was like, "okay, is this gonna be my parents' faith and I'm just doing it because I've grown up with it or do I actually wanna make this decision and continue doing it regardless of what my parents say."

So I remember 2 times where I kind of made it my own. This is my own faith because this is what I believe. My husband is the same; he's always been in it. His parents were in the church when he was a kid. He didn't really remember the time when he committed to Jesus. So, God got us early. I remember as a kid I was kinda disappointed in that because I was like, "I don't have this cool story where I was in drug, I was sleeping around, I had all this bad stuff but God totally redeemed me.

Maggie: Did you have anyone influencing you? I know you were always in church. What made you so reflective and think about your spirituality?

Lilah: Yeah, in high school I was really blessed with women who had gotten into my mess. I can think of 5 on top of my head who weren't just, "oh, I'm here if you need to talk." but they were like, "okay, what's going on? You gotta talk to me about this." It really pushed me in my faith and in how I was acting and the way I was living. They really corralled me and helped me to stay on that path that I knew I wanted to be on, but as a young, emotional teenager I wasn't able to stay on by myself. So I had these women in my life who were older - they were moms, they were 40. They weren't my peers but they looked back on that season of life and were able to speak to me in that season of life. It was really really good.

And then we got married and moved out of state. I had no one. I had my mom and my sister. But, with your family, it's hard to really find accountability and really get deep because there'e too much ties. So it was a season of... for two to three years after we got married where we had no one. I remember times when we would come home from church and we would just cry on the bathroom floor together because we just felt so alone. Church is supposed to be that place where you go to get connected and get filled and have that mutual family feeling but we just didn't have that for the first couple of years. Finally we made a move within state to a different town and we found our church and our people, so now I have people in my mess all the time. Haha. It was definitely a desert season but I feel like God had that there for a reason because it really bonded us as a couple and us as a family because we were having kids at that time. We were building, structuring this family that we needed to have a core befroe we started to let other people into that. It was good; it was really hard tho.

Maggie: Sure. I can't imagine. So you mentioned that you had postpartum anxiety - have you always struggled with anxiety before that?

Lilah: It runs in my family, as far back as we can record. So I have always expected it to be there. I probably had anxiety in high school but it hadn't manifested a whole lot. With postpartum... with my son, they tell you, it's your first kid, you don't know what postpartum looks like, just watch out for signs where things are different, how you feel things you don't normally feel, or having thoughts you don't normally have. That type of thing. 

The first 3 months with my son, I was on air. I was so happy, I was blissful. That was the time where I was the most blissful. It was a struggle for me to accept that we had kids so young. We were trying not to but we accidentally had them twice. People laugh at me. They're like, you know how it happens, right? I'm like, yeah, I know, but I was trying not to. Haha. 

Maggie: God's timing.

Lilah: Yeah. My pregnancy was hard. I was sick every single day up until the day I had my son. By the time I had him, I was so happy I didn't have to be sick. I was so happy to not be pregnant anymore. I had him almost totally naturally. I had a little bit of a pain killer towards the end but I was able to experience all those... the rush of hormones, all those happy feels. So it was about 5 months after I had him. I was like, why do I feel so terrible all of a sudden? It was like a switch flipped. I didn't want to hold him. I didn't want to go out. I didn't want to do anything. It took me about a week to realize this is not going away. I remember calling my doula, I was like, "Is this normal? The baby blues is supposed to happen in the first month but this is rough and this is like 5 months after he was born." And she was like, yeah, you can have postpartum 5 months after. 

So my husband, he was so cute, he made me walk every single day. I literally was held up in the house because I was breastfeeding; I didn't want to go out, I just wanted to stay in a comfy bra and hang out. It was awesome but then I realized, I don't go outside ever. So he made me walk every day, luckily it was in the middle of the summer so we were able to do that. 

I started taking St. John's Wort and vitamin D because I was just deficient. I honestly think it was part depression that happened after you have kids but the other part was I was so obsessed with him as a human that I was caring for that I just forgot to take care of myself. 

I remember being thirsty all the time because I was breastfeeding but I just wouldn't caring for myself. So once we started doing that, it took about a month and it started to fade and I was able to function again.

But then, after my daughter, fast forward about 18 months, I had her and the anxiety kicked in. It was like obsessive where I was worried about them dying in all these morbid ways. Thoughts were reeling in over and over and over in my head. I finally went to therapy a year ago. We did some reprocessing, we did some EMDR, which is this awesome sciency, techy thing which I won't get into too much. It's really cool because you can equip your old memories and process it with both sides of your brain. And then you reroute the neurons in your brain. So instead of a feeling causing you to act a certain way, you end up rerouting that so that feeling doesn't cause you to act that way. It's really cool so I definitely recommend it if it's something that you feel is needed in your life.

We also talked about my expectations for myself and how much stress I put on myself to act a certain way, to be a certain way. So kind of just talking about my whole life and learning about myself, my tendencies and how I can manage that - it's so insightful and so interesting. And I'm kind of a geek when it comes to science type stuff and what's happening to the human bodies. It was half intriguing and half... I really had to work through a lot of stuff. So yeah, that really helped a lot. I still battle with it every day but I'm able... I'm equipped to handle because I have an arsenal of tools, whether it's meditation or songs I can repeat over and over, Scriptures I can memorize, different things I can eat that will help... all of that together helps me manage it so I'm able to function. 

Maggie: So you mentioned you started going to therapy last year - how old was your daughter at this point?

Lilah: She would've been 2.5.

Maggie: So you walked through anxiety for 2.5 years after your daughter was born.

Lilah: Yeah, it took me a while to acknowledge it. But yeah, I think it was from the time she was born.

Maggie: Were you in denial? Or were you just not aware that this was happening to you?

Lilah: Um... I think I was not aware. I think I... I mean, my kids are 18 months apart. I had an 18-month-old and a newborn at one point. People ask me, how did you get through it? I'm like, I don't know. It's all such a blur, it was like, let's just get through the day and so to be able to take a look at myself and acknowledge that I wasn't feeling the ways that I should, I didn't have time or the energy to do that. It wasn't denial, I just didn't have time for this right now. Can we just get through the day and try to make some sort of resemblance of a sleep schedule so I can function physcially. Haha.

Maggie: Haha. Yeah. My boys are 19 months apart so, yeah, I totally get what you're saying!

Lilah: Yeah, you get it. It's rough. You just, I don't know, you just push through. I have friends who have kids that are 12 months apart, you just get through the day. Make sure everyone lives, make sure everyone eats and you just do what you have to do to survive for that season.

Maggie: Yup. I don't care about mismatched socks, I don't care about messy hair, as long as they survive, I'm okay.  Haha.

Lilah: Haha, yup, and they know that they're loved.

Maggie: Yup! Haha. So, tell me about your relationship with God as you walk through this anxiety journey. 

Lilah: Um, my whole lifelong relationship with God always has this same theme where when I'm feeling vulnerable, when I'm feeling scared, I tend to push God away. Not in a you're-not-real or you're-not-there kind of way, but in a God-I-know-you're-gonna-handle-this-but-I-don't-wanna-feel-what's-going-on right now. Like, "I don't want to have a relationship where I have to be open and honest with you; You're the Lord, I'll let you do your thing. Just let me not feel what's going on." So that's kind of been my whole life. Like, "I trust You to take care of me. I trust You to take care of me. I know You have my good in mind. But I don't wanna open up and look at You as a Father and give You that part of my heart that hurts and groans."

That's where He's always calling out of me. He's always like, "I need that part, too. I need you to tell me this is hard. I need you to let me know how you're feeling. Don't bottle it up for me. Don't just say 'I trust You, it's fine. Do what You want.'" But actually have that raw open relationship where I don't know what it's gonna happen. That kind of defines my whole relationship with God. I know He's big. I know He can handle this but don't take my heart, don't make it hurt. That's kinda where I struggle to give Him. And the times that I do, there's so much reward and so much grace and peace. I experience that but it's so hard for me. Like, can't we just be this side-by-side-buddies? Do we really have to look at each other and feel all the feels. Can we just be buddies and trust each other? I'm a total feeler. An example is the times when I do have to lean in to God is all the stuff going on in the world that I can't fix. You know, there's stuff with Charleston, there's stuff in the Middle East, there's stuff all over; there's more kids in India than parents to take care of. That kind of stuff - I'm such a feeler and if I get into that... I can't watch the news unless I'm mentally prepared to take in the information and not feel. Because it'll just take me out. I'll just spend the day in bed because there's kids in India I can't save. So that's a good example of when I turn to face Him and face the stuff in the world and let it permeate my heart and let myself feel it, I feel it so much and so I have to be really careful with what I'm letting in. And often times, I'm like, "No, God, You can't get in there right now because I'll be a mess."

Maggie: So, how has God taught you to let go of that, to have you give Him all of you?

Lilah: He puts people in my life who get into my mess. He shows me that those people are safe, He gives me a peek into how my heart can have transparency with Him because He knows my heart. I know He knows. But He wants me to tell Him where my heart is at. 

Maggie: Right.

Lilah: He puts people in my life who are not afraid to ask those questions and look at my heart in a way that's actually transparent and real and raw. I feel like He does that in a way that tells me this is what it should be like, this is why you shouldn't be afraid.

Maggie: I know this wasn't included in the list of questions I sent you, but do you have a story of God meeting you in the valley of anxiety?

Lilah: Yes. Haha. It's funny to have anxiety and be a business owner because small businesses are probably the most insecure, stressful ways you can live. Haha. Because sometimes I don't know when the next client is gonna come. So there was this time, it was not long after I'd hired my first coach, Dana. I had just invested in her, we hadn't really started yet and I was scared because we didn't really have the money to afford her and we just did. So, I had a dream - I have really weird and crazy morbid dreams - but there were always really vivid, I'm a very visual person, you know, it gets the best of me sometimes. So I had this dream and I usually don't think much of my dreams because sometimes it involves ax murders or something crazy like that. Haha. 

Maggie: Haha. A teen novel. 

Lilah: Haha yeah, I actually have some book ideas out of my dreams. Anyways, I know this dream was from God because I woke up and I felt Him talking to me. So I was in a different women's body, basically, I had kids and an abusive husband. Different kids and different husband from my real life, they were older; it was like a totally different situation than my own family currently. I was in the middle of sneaking them out one night. It had been in a season of my life where I was terrified because I had just booked a coach and I was just like, "God, is this what You want me to do? Is that the right choice? Is this the path You want me on." And I was questioning whether to have a business at all. I get one of those seasons about once a quarter where I'm like, maybe I should close everything down and get a job. Haha.

But, yeah, in this dream, I was this mom. I was trying to pack up all my stuff and sneak out because we were getting to the point where we were scared for our lives. We snuck out and I remember we got far enough away that he couldn't get us. I don't know what that meant exactly, if we were running or walking or on a plane. But I remember the feeling that I had when I was like, "I can survive, I can make this work because of my business." 

I woke up and I was sobbing like someone had died. I was like, what was that? That was weird because it felt very real but I knew it wasn't me. And I knew it wasn't like God telling me to leave. But He's like, "you have to stay here. I need you here because someone is gonna need what you have to say so that they can have that confidence that you experienced. When you were like, 'I can do this because I have a solid business that can support us as a family without my husband.'"

So there was this reassurance that regardless of my anxiety, regardless of what I was worried about, regardless of my own fear in starting my business and in helping women to move their businesses forward, God was like, "I need you here. Someone needs what you have to say."

Some woman somewhere, I don't know if I've reached her yet or not, but some woman somewhere needs me to encourage her, to move forward, to not be afraid, to know that she can get on her own.

When I'm in those seasons where I'm like, should I just quit? He'll remind me of that dream; He'll bring it up. He's like, nope, I still need you here.

I don't know if it's one person, I don't know if it's a million people, but I know at least for now this is where I'm supposed to be regardless of my anxiety. 

Maggie: So when you feel like those anxious feelings and thoughts are coming up, do you have a piece of truth that you're preaching to yourself so that you'll fix your eyes on God instead of letting your emotions take over you?

Lilah: Yeah, we've actually been studying Romans at church; my husband and I are doing the She Reads Truth study on Romans. In Romans 8, which is where we currently are, I've been repeating this verse over and over.    

As it is written,
β€œFor your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,
nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
— Romans 8:36-39

We are more than conquerors. Yes, we face death all day long - you're fighting this anxiety, you're struggling with feeling inadequate, you're struggling with your own sins, whatever it is, you're facing that all day long. But above all these things you are more than a conqueror.

It is one of my favorite songs, too, the Desert Song, where it says, "this is my prayer in the desert when all that's within me feels dry."

It talks about how I'm a conqueror and co-heir with Christ so on His promise I'll stand.

Those verses, I can pick out every single one of those verses for the seasons I've been through. At the very end, it says, "I know I'm filled to be emptied again. The seed I receive I will sow."

I've been in seasons where cash is flowing, the clients are coming, people are happy and I feel like I have a purpose. And then I've been in seasons where the cash isn't flowing and the clients aren't happy and people are struggling and I'm struggling and I don't feel adequate.

"I'm filled to be emptied again. The seed I receive I will sow." so in those good times, sowing for the good times; and the bad times hoping for the good times. That I find the comfort in. We are more than conquerors; we are co-heirs. We can face death all day long and still be conquerors.

Maggie: I love the Desert Song for when I'm going through bad times. It really does give me hope and give me the strength to hold onto and hold onto God Himself. 

Lilah: Yeah and it reassures us that there's a time for everything. There's a time where it's gonna be good. There's a time where it's gonna be bad. There's a time where you're gonna be struggling, you're gonna be in the fire, you're gonna be in the battle. But know that it's normal.

I know I get caught up in the prosperity gospel thinking where I'm doing all these things so everything else "should" be falling into place. But sometimes it doesn't. When I have the mindset of "if this, then that", then it's my fault when it doesn't happen. When I'm able to say, there's a time for everything - sometimes life is hard, sometimes life is good. It takes the pressure, the stress and the guilt off of me. I'm just gonna walk through this season and it's okay if things are hard, or if I make mistakes. There will be a season when it gets good again.

Maggie: It's true. There's a season for everything. I mean, Scripture says we will face trials and sufferings. Not if, but when. 

Lilah: Yeah, that's John 16:33 where it says:

In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
— John 16:33

It's already done. You're already conquerors even though you're facing death all day long.

Maggie: Yeah. It's so true. So much hope in that. Oh, I was gonna ask, you mentioned that there are some practical steps you take as you heal from anxiety - well, not heal, but like, walk through it... overcome it... 

Lilah: Manage.

Maggie: Yup, manage. Can you share what those steps look like?

Lilah: Yeah! The first step is acknowledging that you have it. Not just "I'm broken" but "what now?" There's actually physical, emotional, mental and memory and experience... everything that has compiled to cause this to be your reality. Most of those things are not your fault; most of them are chemistry and the experiences and trauma you've been through. Even for myself, my therapist calls it a T traumas, I've never been in a situation where I'm abused or had anything awful happen to me, but your body will still process certain things as trauma. So acknowledging what is happening to you in your reality right now, how you're viewing your life and yourself, it's not necessarily your fault. There's a lot of factors that go into that, so starting to study yourself and study your thought patterns, study why you're acting/reacting the way that you do, and try to trace back to what caused it in the first place.

Getting someone in there to help you evaluate those things and give you an outside perspective is also helpful. I know with anxiety that leads to depression, basically, your anxiety is triggering these thoughts over and over and over and over again. The depression comes in and you feel guilt. So you think a thought and then you feel guilty and the cycle repeats. It brings you to a place of hopelessness and desperation where you can't get out of that thought loop but it started with anxiety; it started with a neuropathway that rerouted the wrong way.  

I find that journaling out negative thoughts is really helpful. I have a friend who makes me do that. We'll read them to each other and that's so hard. When you realize how mean you are to yourself, I did it the other day, I had been awake for 10 minutes and I had a half-a-page of thoughts that were negative about myself. Things that you think about yourself but you would never ever say to another person but we're so mean to ourselves. 

When you have anxiety, it's when those thoughts won't stop repeating. So doing stuff like journaling, getting your thoughts out and reading them to a friend will be hard but helpful.

Maggie: Yeah. I find journaling really insightful because a lot of times my thoughts are in my head. But as soon as I write them down and I would read them, I'd be like, "what?! This doesn't make sense! Why do I think this?!" And as soon as I see the lies that I have in my head, I can match the truth to each one. I'll be like, okay, this is totally not true; here's what God says. 

Lilah: Yeah. Exactly. I find it helpful to journal out your negative thoughts and then counter each of those thoughts with the Truth because we know the Truth. We know it when we see it. Even if we don't know what verse it's from, you know what's true. I wrote this down in my journal that God doesn't love me any less when I'm doing wrong and He doesn't love me any more when I'm doing good. HIs love for me never changes; He's always all in, unconditional, full-on adoration. There are times when He wants me to do certain things or when He has certain hopes for me that I don't carry through. But it doesn't change my value of self to Him. I so believe that. There are times when I think God is punishing me because I didn't do what I should've done but that's not true. He doesn't love me any less when I make mistakes but I can't earn any more of His love either. 

So, yeah, writing out the negative thoughts is something I've been doing the last few weeks. Because when you write them out, you see them. But if you don't, they are stuck in there and they trigger anxiety or fight-or-flight or panic attacks.

Also, meditation is really good. I rarely just stop and take an evaluation of where I'm at. That's really hard to do for me. It's really helpful when I meditate. I have Headspace which is a non-woo-woo app that walks you through how to calm your mind and what you need to focus on. So that's really helpful.  

Maggie: So if someone is walking through anxiety, what encouragement would you give her?

Lilah: You're not alone. The way you feel is not abnormal. Most people, to some extend, at some point in their lives, struggle with how you're feeling right now so find some people who will look at the situation you're in and not judge you, who will give you actual tangible help. Even if it's just sitting next to you on the couch while you cry. You just need people in your life because the natural tendency when you feel the way you feel, you wanna isolate. Isolation is the easiest way to knock us down. So get people around you, no matter how awkward it is or how hard it is. You need people. Reach out to me, I'm happy to give you some hope and help you work through some things. There are people out there who care for you. So yeah, reach out to people is my first advice because that leads to other things like accountability and prayer and people who are there in your mess and will point you back to God.

Maggie: And let's say, I have a friend that is having anxiety but I don't know how to love on her. What would you advise I do?

Lilah: Good question! That's great - I'm so glad you asked. So, how to be there for a friend with anxiety. Show up instead of just saying "I'm here for you if you need anything". Show up with a chocolate bar or a carton of ice cream. I have a friend, she's super empathetic and intuitive, she just messaged me yesterday and asked, "are you okay? I feel like you've been through a rough season." So I was like, "I have been!"

She didn't give me any advice; she didn't tell me how to fix it. She just said, "I just noticed and wanted to check in with you." She just checked in and that made me feel so loved. It helps a lot to know that she's thinking of me.

I just had a friend who dropped off a giant care package for us. It had toys for my kids and some things I mentioned I needed. My husband had been complaining how he could never keep a comb in his drawer so she bought him 8 combs. So gifts like that, or just showing up, or texting "hey, I'm getting pizza tonight, I'm gonna bring you a pizza. You don't have to eat it but I'm gonna put it in your fridge so you have food." - really tangible ways you can just step in and love them. Not just be like "I'm here if you need anything" because they don't know what they need. 

Maggie: Right.

Lilah: They need someone to get in their mess and mess with them so that they get out of that guilt and that desire to be isolated because they feel so terrible about who they are.

Maggie: That helps. I know I have friends that struggle with that.

Lilah: Yeah and stepping in and doing something shows that not only you care and you're willing to do something for them, but it also shows that you listen. You're actually doing something that's gonna be helpful. I have a bit of a tie with miscarriage - I've never had a miscarriage - but I lost a brother. My mom lost a son so I've always known about the after-effects of miscarriage. We actually did a Kickstarter page a couple years ago for a keepsake box, it's named after my brother so it was really sweet. People are always like, how do you talk to someone with a miscarriage? Well, you just show up with some flowers. Knock on the door and walk away. You just step in and try to listen to what would be helpful for them. Because maybe your friend doesn't want you to just show up, maybe she wants a text. You can ask, "this is a tangible way I see can be helpful, is that okay with you if I can do that?" Not just an open-ended "tell me what you need". I've found that to be the most helpful and meaningful to people.

Maggie: Yeah. And I think it might help to know what the other person's love language is. A lot of times, like you said, I don't know what would be helpful. I don't know what to think right now. I don't even know what to feel. So if you know my love language, that might help to give me some love. 

Lilah: Right. I love that.

Maggie: So, do you have a verse you've been dwelling on recently?

Lilah: Yes. So that verse in Romans is a recent one. But honestly, the verse John 16:33 is my life verse. That is the verse I held onto in postpartum - I really just need to make it a tattoo and have it on my body.

So in the Scripture where Jesus is talking to His disciples about all the bad stuff that's going to happen before He comes back, everyone is just sitting there, so depressed. And Jesus said, I told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble but take heart I have overcome the world. 

In one of the translations, the word "take heart" actually translates to undaunted. My journey out of postpartum kind of surrounded that word. That word was kind of the theme, I guess you can say. What does it mean to live undaunted? Jesus came so we can have an abundant life, not just life but life to the full. So what does that word mean? To be undaunted, to be truly living as God wants you to and as God designs for you to. Obviously, it does not mean that everything will be peachy all the time - Jesus says, I told you that these things are gonna happen, things are gonna get hard. The disciples got martyred. They went through what our generation of Americans probably won't experience. But He says I told you these things so you can have peace. They were probably just like, "what?" Because Jesus was like, I have overcome the world. I've beat that. I've already done it. It's already finished. So be undaunted. Explore what it means to live in an abundant and undaunted way.

Maggie: So, let's switch gears a little bit. What does the rest of the year look like for you? For your business? for your family?

Lilah: Um. We have some business trips coming up, we're going to the Boss Mom Retreat in October for my birthday.

Maggie: Oh, it's your birthday!

Lilah: Yeah, we fly on my birthday. Um. Honestly, we don't plan. I know we wanna try to get up to Montana, we're like 30 miles from the boarders. There's this town with some women I wanna meet. And then we've got some friends up there we wanna see, too. For the business, we are re-opening our design mentorship program. The students are total rockstars. I'm so proud of them. They've taken everything I said and expanded on it. They've done so well. We'll be re-opening that in the middle of September. And then I've got clients booked out for September, which is nice. I like to have clients booked a couple months in advance. It's comforting. And then... I don't know what we're doing for Christmas. We should plan that. I should probably take December off, actually. Um. We signed up for CrossFit, which is fun. Hopefully, we will be really buff. 

Maggie: Haha! I'll be waiting for pictures.

Lilah: Haha! I promise I won't become one of those people on Instagram. But I know I'll be kinda proud the day I realize I have mom arms. I've always had a thing for mom arms. I've never had them. So if I get those, I might share a picture. Hah!

Maggie: Alright. Can't wait to see that. Hah! So if we want to hang out with you more, where can we find you?

Lilah: Yeah, our website is thehigginscreative.com; you can friend me on Facebook, I don't generally post controversial/political/annoying stuff so usually business-related or mental health-related. I'm just Lilah Higgins on Facebook. You can send me an email. I'm also on Voxer. I do enjoy that a lot because that is less time-consuming. So yeah, you can reach out to me however you feel like you want to because I'm happy to chat with you and get to know you.

Maggie: Thank you so much, Lilah, for chatting with us and sharing your journey!     

Lilah: Yeah! Thanks for having me! I don't always get asked to do podcasts on personal stuff so this was super fun :)