You are not Your Husband's Holy Spirit

Did you know God treasures a wife of noble character?
In fact, in Proverbs 31:10, it says that an excellent wife is far more precious than rubies?
Rubies are some of the highest-valued colored stones in the world.
If you live out your role as a wife with noble respectable character, in God's eyes you are worth more than some of the most expensive jewels.
You know what that tells me about your role as a wife? It tells me that you are not just a wife; God made you a wife with a purpose and a mission; it is not an afterthought.
Your role as a wife can carry great value... if you live it out with purpose and mission.

For the next few weeks, we will begin a new series called: The Blueprint of a Christ-Centered Wife.

We will look at the theologies behind your missional role and the practicalities on how to make it a reality in your life right now.

Are you excited? I hope you are because this is gonna be great!!

I saw the oh-so-familiar look on his face.

Our guests were going to arrive in a few hours and my husband was having anxiety over how our house looked, whether we had everything prepared, etc.

His anxiety stressed me out in an instant.
The joy of hospitality was now - poof - gone; instead, I became angry - no - furious.
I wanted to scream at him.

You are His Helper, Not His Holy Spirit

A misconception that I have about my role as Grant's wife is that I'm supposed to help him like the Holy Spirit does.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
— Genesis 2:18

Here in Genesis 2:18, God was giving Adam a helper fit for him.
And then we see the word "helper" again in John 14.

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever,
— John 14:16

It's easy for me to connect these two seemingly-obvious-dots.
But if we take a deeper look into the Word, we'll see that they're not talking about the same thing.

In the Bible's original manuscript, the word "helper" that God used just before He created Eve is not the same word He used when He was talking about the Holy Spirit.

The word used for Eve was 'ezer. It means help, aid.

The word used for the Holy Spirit was paraklētos. It means an intercessor, consoler, advocate, and comforter.

According to Blue Letter Bible's Lexicon on the word parakletos, the word was used in the Bible as one who pleads another's cause before a judge.

I'm supposed to help my husband, to aid him in his roles God has called him to. But I'm NOT an intercessor for him before God.

I, in my sinful nature, CANNOT intercede for my husband before the ultimate Judge. I am just as guilty as my husband before the God of all. Who am I to plead for his cause when I should be judged right next to my husband?!

Interceding for my husband is not my job. That is Jesus's job.

A Head-Heart Disconnection

So what are you supposed to help with, now that you know you're not your husband's Holy Spirit?

When my husband was overwhelmed by anxiety just before our guests arrived, I wanted to scream at him:

Being hospitable is not about having a perfect house. It's about opening our home and our hearts to people.
Stop freaking out about this! This is just a party for a one-year-old!

I'm thankful that God kept my mouth shut so I didn't actually scream at my dear husband.

You know what I would've achieved by screaming at him? Nothing.
It would've done nothing.

After the party was over and I was not angry anymore, we talked about how this weekend went. Bringing up the subject of anxiety and hospitality, I said in the moment when he was anxious, he should've done a heart check.

What he responded gently with was a light bulb moment for me.

He knew that he needed a heart check at the moment. But what he needed from me was not a "go do a heart check" command. He needed his wife to come alongside him, take his hands and pray for him.

You see, he had the head knowledge that God had sovereign control.
His problem was his heart.
His heart did not have God on his throne.
His heart did not believe what the head believes.

Friends, I would guess that if your husband is a follower of Jesus, he probably also has a disconnection problem.

He knows the Truth but his flesh - his heart - has a disbelieve.

Point Him to the Light

Wives, I wanna encourage you to step down from the role of convicting your husband, of telling him what you think he should do.

I want you to gently grab his hands and bow your head with him.
Pray for him. Point him to the light. Ask the Holy Spirit to change his heart.
Because only God can change his heart.

God is the only One who can filter the lies in your husband's heart and fill him up with the fruits of the Spirit.

Your role, as his wife, is to stand alongside him and help him see that light.
That's what a helper does.

Learn More About Being a Godly Wife

Do you want to learn more about being a godly wife? Download your FREE mini Bible study on Proverbs 31! You'll be sure to learn and grow in becoming the Proverbs 31 lady.